Stupid and Contagious by Caprice Crane

Author:Caprice Crane [Crane, Caprice]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780446695725
Publisher: 5 Spot
Published: 2005-01-02T05:00:00+00:00

—Willy, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

“Okey dokey, Doggie Daddy.”

—Alabama, True Romance

Heaven

This is so not cool. I just left Brady’s apartment after spending the entire day with him, and now everything seems different. He was actually nice to me, for once, and now I don’t know what to think. Not that I really need to think about it. I mean, I don’t. That’s stupid. He’s a neighbor. And maybe a friend. That’s that.

I walk into work, and Marco tells me I look happy. It’s not what he says, though . . . it’s how he says it. Like he’s perplexed by it.

“Do I usually look unhappy?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says. He’s not intending to be insulting, just stating what he assumes to be the obvious. “But now you are smiling. You are much prettier when you smile.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“These fucking assholes!” Brett says as he walks past, waving a knife at us and mimicking a customer. “‘My knife isn’t clean—waaaa!’”

“I’m not like that, am I?” I ask Marco, motioning to Brett.

“Nobody is like that. I have fear that he will kill somebody. I just try to stay out of his way,” he says. We watch as Brett dips the knife into a water pitcher, wipes it with a napkin, and brings the same knife right back to the table. I hate to say it, but this is actually common practice. Waiters use the water pitchers to clean dirty silverware all the time and then pour the same water into people’s glasses. This is why I always spring for the bottled water when I’m out. And I advise others to do the same.

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